Eclectic Daydreams

Graehstone

Former Gov. Sarah Palin will deliver a keynote address today at the CLSA Investors’ Forum, where she will touch on “US foreign policy” and “discuss her views on governance, healthcare, and of course, China.”

Touching on US Foreign Policy:

Ya know, I ate some Chinese Food last night and it was pretty darn delicious. But a half-hour later, I was hungry again. So now I know why my mom, shout out to all moms out there, told me to clean my plate, and think about all those starving kids in China. But, ya know, kids in China have it pretty good. They can go out and get a real job makin’ toys for kids here in the United States. I mean, back home in the United States. And that’s what good foreign relations is all about. Kids makin’ toys fer other kids to play with.

Views on Governance:

Ya know, governance, that, too, also, is a good thing. Without governance people would just run around doin’ whatever comes into their heads to do. It would be like a couple of teenagers, ya know, doin’ the nasty, which they know they shouldn’t be doin; but they do it anyway, and then of course a new life is brought into the world, and you have to take care of it and feed it and burp it and change its diapers, and so governance, which is a lot like that, should practice abstinance only. An’ that’s why I resigned as Governor of Alaska, so I could lead that great country into the future with abstinance only governance. And so, yeah, well, that too. Also, and I…um, next…

Healthcare:

Healthcare is very important to me. And we should all have our choice of doctors. That’s why, when my water broke in Texas, shout out to all Texicans out there, when my water broke, I stayed there and gave my speech, because it’s important to follow through with a commitment, and after I finished my speech, I did not go to some local hospital where my baby would get God knows what kind of healthcare. No, I boarded a plane, flew back to Alaska and drove to my own little home-town clinic in Wasilla, because there I could have my own doctor in my own facility and I knew they would take care of my little Down-Syndrome baby. And you here in China know a lot about taking care of babies, especially with all those Mongoloid babies born in Mongolia. So you know what it’s like to have some government beaurocrat dictate to you your choice of doctors and your death panels and so, um, that’s why healthcare…sticking with our great medical system in the good ol’ U S of A is so great for the economy.

On China,

I have a set of fine China back home in Wasilla. And we eat off of it every day, even though it came from England. And that brings us back to foreign relations (wink). Our foreign relations with China is very important, because without our foreign relations, we wouldn’t be able to eat off of Chinese plates, we couldn’t eat Chinese food, and the Wasilla WalMart, shout out, wouldn’t have anything to sell. And so we must encourage foreign affairs and for foreigners to have relations with us because that way we can all get along together and have great foreign relations.

Oh, and one more thing,

Why are we all supposed to add, “in bed” to those little messages in fortune cookies?

geek

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